your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
