And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
