? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
