i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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