and next time when you feel me up, do it right
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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