She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
