Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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