I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
