I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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