Your dad touched me again.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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