dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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