I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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