is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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