Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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