why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
