We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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