i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
