thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
