Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
