Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
