Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
