The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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