can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
