You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
