Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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