So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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