Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
