At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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