His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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