White coat. Heels.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
