guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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