she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
