I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
