So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
