I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
