Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
