it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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