Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
