Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
