i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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