Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
