We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
