Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
worst night to have a conscience
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
