There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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