Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
