so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
