I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
