Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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