All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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