Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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