So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
