Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
