Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
