it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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