dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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