I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
