Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
