turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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