Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
