Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
