Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
