we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
