Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
