Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
