1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
