Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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