did you get engaged???
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
