forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
