He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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