perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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