apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Swine flu is the new snow day.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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