I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
