You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
